Start free

Free tool · No signup

Free BIFF response generator: calm replies to your co-parent

Paste the message you're about to send. See which words may start a fight, and get a calm rewrite that is Brief, Informative, Friendly and Firm. Your message text is not saved.

Check a message before you send it

General communication help, not legal advice.

0 / 1,500

Add the message you received (optional)

0 / 1,500

3 free checks a day. We don't save what you paste or the rewrite. You can leave out names and addresses; the check works without them.

If you are in danger, call 911. National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233, or text START to 88788. On a computer, press Esc twice to leave this page quickly.

How it works

What a BIFF reply is

BIFF is a simple way to answer a hostile or high-conflict message. It was popularized by the High Conflict Institute, and many parenting coordinators and co-parenting classes teach it.

  • Brief. A few sentences. A long reply gives the other person more to argue with.
  • Informative. Facts and logistics: times, places, the kids' needs. No opinions about the other person.
  • Friendly. A neutral, polite tone, even when theirs isn't.
  • Firm. Clear and final. It answers the question and ends the exchange, without threats or ultimatums.

The checker reads your draft and points out the words that may escalate things: insults, sarcasm, blame, and wording that may sound hostile or threatening. It explains each one in plain language and suggests a calmer version you can edit. It does not tell you what to admit, deny, or file.

What it will and won't tell you

It helps with tone only. It won't tell you what to file, what to admit or deny, what to say in court, or how a judge might see a message. Nobody can promise how a message will be read. For questions about your case, talk to a licensed attorney where you live. AI suggestions can be wrong; you always edit and send it yourself.

Common questions

Calm reply checker FAQ

Is this legal advice?

No. It is general communication help: it looks at tone and wording only. It won't tell you what to file, what to admit or deny, or how a judge or court might see a message. For advice about your situation, talk to a licensed attorney where you live.

Do you save the messages I paste?

No. We don't save your message, the message you received or the rewrite. The text is sent to xAI only to run the check, and the result comes straight back to your screen. We do not keep a copy. To limit free checks we keep a one-day count under a scrambled code made from your IP address and a random cookie (cc_calm). That code cannot be turned back into your IP address and is deleted after one day. The cc_calm cookie itself lasts 30 days and is not linked to your messages.

Will it make my message "court-safe"?

No tool can promise that, and this one doesn't try. Courts and judges differ, and nobody can predict how a message will be read. The checker points out wording that tends to escalate conflict and offers a calmer version. What you send is your decision.

Will the other parent know I used it?

No. Nothing is sent from this page. You copy the rewrite, change anything you want, and send it yourself through whatever you normally use, including a court-ordered co-parenting app.

Why only 3 free checks a day?

Each check uses an AI model that costs us money, so the free version has a daily limit. If you'd like to keep checking, Comms Guard in Custody Commander does the same check for each reply and keeps a dated log of what you sent. You can start free, with no card.

What if the message I received is threatening?

If you are in danger, call 911. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233, or text START to 88788. They can help you think through safety, including whether and how to reply at all.

Calm replies, and a dated record of what you sent.

Comms Guard checks each message before you send it and logs it, with the date and time. Free to start; the other parent never has to join.

Start free, no card About Comms Guard