You opened the court notice expecting a hearing date and found something else: a settlement conference, a pretrial conference, or both. What happens at one? Does the judge decide anything? Do you need your whole case ready?

This guide explains what these meetings usually involve in plain terms, and how to get organized before one. Courts use different names and rules, so treat it as a map of what to look up, not the rules for your court.

Settlement conference vs. pretrial conference

The names vary from court to court. You may see "settlement conference," "mandatory settlement conference," "pretrial conference," "case management conference" or "status conference." In general terms:

  • A settlement conference is about trying to agree. Both sides meet with a neutral person, often a judge, magistrate, commissioner or volunteer attorney, to see whether some or all of the custody issues can be resolved without a trial.
  • A pretrial conference is mostly about getting the case ready for trial. The judge may ask which issues are still disputed, which witnesses and exhibits each side plans to use, how long the trial will take, and whether any deadlines are left.

Some courts combine the two, and some judges encourage settlement at a pretrial conference too. Your notice or scheduling order is the best guide to what yours is for.

What usually happens at a settlement conference

Formats differ, but many settlement conferences follow a similar pattern:

  • A short joint start. The neutral explains how the session will run. Some skip this and keep the parents apart from the start.
  • Separate rooms. The neutral often moves between the two sides, hearing each one's position and carrying proposals back and forth. Expect waiting time.
  • Frank observations. In some courts, the person running the conference may share frank observations about the risks of going to trial. Practices differ, and those comments are not a ruling on your case.
  • An agreement, a partial agreement, or none. If you agree on some issues, they may be written up that day for the judge to consider, and unresolved issues may still be set for a hearing or trial. If nothing is agreed, the case usually continues on its schedule.

You don't have to agree to anything in the room. You can ask questions, ask for time, and say no. If you do sign something, read it carefully first: an agreement reached at a settlement conference may become a court order once the judge approves it. A licensed attorney where you live can review a proposed agreement with you.

What usually happens at a pretrial conference

A pretrial conference is often shorter and more procedural. The judge may:

  • confirm which issues are agreed and which are still disputed,
  • ask for or review witness and exhibit lists,
  • set or confirm the trial date and how much time each side gets,
  • deal with open deadlines, such as exchanging exhibits or finishing a custody evaluation,
  • ask whether the parents have tried mediation or settlement.

Some courts want a written pretrial statement filed before the conference. If yours does, the deadline and the contents are usually in your scheduling order or local rules. If a custody evaluation is still underway, the judge may set the trial date around it. See what to expect in a custody evaluation.

How to prepare for either one

Start with the paperwork your court sent, then get your own material in order.

  • Read the notice and any scheduling order. Look for who runs the conference, whether you must attend in person, and anything due beforehand, such as a settlement statement, pretrial statement, witness list or exhibit list.
  • Check the local rules or ask the self-help center. Many courts post what a settlement statement or pretrial statement should contain. Clerks can't give legal advice, but they can usually tell you what is due and how to turn it in.
  • Write down the points you want to discuss. If you already have positions on the schedule, holidays, exchanges, decision-making or communication, put them in plain words before the day. Notes are easier to use in the room than ideas you keep only in your head. See how to write a parenting plan.
  • List the open issues. One line each. It keeps the conversation on what is actually disputed.
  • Make a short, dated timeline. Key events in order, each with a date and a neutral one-line description. See the custody case timeline template.
  • Get your exhibits labeled and listed. Even if your court doesn't want them yet, a pretrial conference often sets the deadline. See how to label exhibits for court and how to make an exhibit list.
  • Plan for the day. Arrange childcare and time off for the full slot on your notice, and bring water, snacks, a charger and a pen.

What to bring

Check your notice first. Many people find it helps to have:

  • the court notice, any scheduling order, and the current custody order if there is one,
  • a copy of anything you filed or exchanged for the conference,
  • your notes on the points you want to discuss and your list of open issues,
  • your timeline and a labeled set of key documents, in a binder or one folder on your device,
  • your calendar, so you can check dates when schedules come up.

More on organizing a binder: building a trial binder for family court.

If there is abuse or a protective order

If there is abuse or a protective order in your case, tell the court before the conference. Many courts can arrange separate rooms, separate arrival times, or a remote appearance, and some don't require settlement talks when there is a history of abuse. Follow the terms of any protective order exactly. See domestic violence and custody mediation. If you are in danger, call 911. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233, or text START to 88788.

If the conference doesn't settle the case

Many cases don't settle at the first conference, and that is common. The case usually continues to the next step on its schedule, often a trial or a contested hearing. Dates and deadlines the judge set at a pretrial conference, such as exhibit exchange dates or the trial date, usually still apply unless the court changes them. See what happens if custody mediation fails and how to present your own case in family court.

Free printables to get organized

These need no sign-up:

How Custody Commander helps

Most of the preparation above is finding and ordering the right items. Evidence Helper keeps your screenshots, photos, emails and documents in one private place, with originals preserved untouched and the other parent never notified. You set the date each item happened and tag it, and search reaches the text inside screenshots. When you've picked the items you plan to use, a one-click export produces an exhibit-numbered PDF you can print or share the way your court asks. It organizes; it doesn't tell you what to propose, what to agree to, or how a judge will rule. See how it works.

Try Evidence Helper freeFree plan, no card · Full Suite free for 7 days