NNEDV Technology Safety Guidelines, Explained for Parents in Court

If you’ve seen the NNEDV safety guidelines for technology mentioned by an advocate or in a support group, you may be wondering what they actually say and how they apply when you’re also in the middle of a custody case. The National Network to End Domestic Violence runs the Safety Net Project, which focuses on how abusers misuse phones, accounts, location tools and smart devices, and how survivors can stay safer without giving up technology altogether.

This guide explains the core ideas in plain language and applies them to family court situations: shared accounts, co-parenting messages, children’s devices and keeping evidence safe. It’s an independent summary, not NNEDV’s own material, so read the originals at techsafety.org, and treat this as general information, not legal advice.

Safety first

If you’re in danger, call 911. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233, or text START to 88788 (thehotline.org), and advocates there can help you think through technology as part of a safety plan. Local domestic violence advocates can help with safety plans and protective orders. If your phone, computer or accounts might be monitored, read this on a safer device, such as a friend’s phone or a library computer.

What do the NNEDV safety guidelines say about technology?

The Safety Net materials return to a handful of principles again and again. In our words, here’s what they mean for a parent in a custody case:

That last point, documentation, connects tech safety directly to your court case. The rest of this guide walks through each area.

How do you check your phone for tracking and monitoring?

Start with the settings and accounts your ex may already have access to. Shared accounts and location sharing are often the simplest explanation for how someone knows too much.

• Location sharing: check your phone’s location settings, maps apps, family-locator apps and any family sharing group.
• Shared accounts: if your ex knows your phone’s main account password, they may see your location, photos, messages or backups.
• Safety tools on your phone: on iPhones with recent iOS versions, Safety Check (in Settings, under Privacy & Security) lets you review and stop sharing with people and apps. Both iPhone and Android can alert you to unknown trackers traveling with you.
• Your car: connected-car apps can show location; physical trackers can be hidden on vehicles.
• Unfamiliar apps or profiles: note anything you didn’t install or settings you didn’t change.
• Your phone plan: if your ex controls the account, they may see call and text records. Under the federal Safe Connections Act, survivors can generally ask their carrier to separate their line, and their children’s lines, from a shared plan; the carrier may ask for documentation.

How do you secure accounts, shared clouds and smart devices?

Change access from a safer device, then cut off old sessions. Work through your most important accounts first: email, phone account, cloud storage, banking and social media.

1. Change passwords to strong, unique ones your ex couldn’t guess.
2. Turn on two-factor sign-in, and check that the recovery phone number and email are yours alone.
3. Review signed-in devices and sign out any you don’t recognize, or all of them.
4. Check email forwarding rules and filters, which can quietly copy your mail to someone else.
5. Look at shared albums, calendars and notes that may still sync to your ex.
6. Check smart-home apps for doorbells, cameras, speakers and thermostats; former partners sometimes keep access.

For your browser, see how to clear your browser history safely, since deleting everything at once can itself look suspicious to someone who checks.

Your court case has a tech footprint too

Tech safety for domestic violence survivors in family court goes beyond your phone. A few case-specific habits help:

• Use a separate email for the case, created on a safer device, so court notices and lawyer emails don’t land in an inbox your ex can open.
• Ask about address confidentiality. Many states have address confidentiality programs for survivors, and the clerk can tell you how to keep your address off filings.
• Check court portal and e-filing accounts for old shared email addresses or phone numbers that would send notifications to your ex.
• Plan for video hearings. Use a plain background, turn off location tags, and make sure nothing on screen shows where you live.
• Post less. Photos can reveal your new home, your car, your children’s school or your routine, even when your profile is private.

What about your children’s devices?

Children’s phones, tablets and game accounts can become part of the picture, especially if the other parent set them up. A device may share its location, or be tied to a family account the other parent manages. Messages between your child and the other parent may also be addressed in your custody order.

• Check the device’s location and family-sharing settings, ideally with an advocate’s help.
• Don’t question your child about the other parent or ask them to report back.
• Never use your child’s device to monitor the other parent.
• Before changing settings on a device the other parent provided, ask an advocate or attorney how it may play out in court.

How do you document technology abuse for court?

Keep a simple log and save what you can see on your own devices. Write the date and time, what happened, which device or account was involved, how you know, what you saved, and who you reported it to.

If the monitoring extends to following you or showing up where you are, our guide on documenting stalking by an ex covers what to add.

Keep your evidence where your ex can’t reach it

Tech safety and evidence safety go together. A screenshot folder on a phone your ex can access, or a cloud account they once used, isn’t a safe place for your case. Evidence Helper keeps documentation private until you choose to share it with a named person, like your advocate or attorney, with no public links. Two-factor sign-in and one-click sign-out of every device fit right into a tech safety plan, and originals are preserved untouched and fingerprinted with a SHA-256 hash. Our safety and security guide explains the settings. Every account starts with a 14-day free trial of everything, no credit card.

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Where to find the original NNEDV guidance

NNEDV’s Safety Net Project publishes its survivor resources free at techsafety.org, and it updates them as technology changes, so check there for the current version. For choosing tools to talk with a co-parent, see safe communication apps for domestic violence survivors. And for one-on-one help, a local advocate or the National Domestic Violence Hotline can walk through your devices with you.