How to Document Stalking by an Ex So Police and Courts Can See the Pattern

If you're trying to figure out how to document stalking by an ex, you're probably living with a constant, low-level fear: the car that keeps passing your house, the messages from new numbers, the way they always seem to know where you are. And you may have already heard some version of “there's nothing we can do unless something happens.”

Documentation is how that changes. Stalking is a pattern, and one incident on its own can look minor. A clear, dated record of every incident shows police, prosecutors and judges what you're actually living with. This guide explains what to record, how to save digital evidence, what to do about trackers, and how to keep your log safe.

Safety first

If you're in danger right now, call 911. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233, by text (send START to 88788), or by chat at thehotline.org. Local domestic violence and victim advocates can help with safety plans and protective orders. If your phone, computer or accounts might be monitored, read this on a safer device, such as a library computer or a trusted friend's phone.

Take stalking seriously, even if no one has been hurt yet. Trust your instincts, tell people you trust what's happening, and plan with an advocate. The Stalking Prevention, Awareness, and Resource Center (SPARC) also publishes free resources about recognizing and documenting stalking.

What counts as stalking by an ex?

Stalking is generally a pattern of unwanted behavior directed at you that would make a reasonable person afraid or seriously distressed. Laws vary by state, but common behaviors include:

• Repeated calls, texts, emails or messages after you've asked them to stop.
• Contacting you from new numbers or accounts after being blocked.
• Showing up at your home, work, school, gym or your children's activities.
• Following you, driving past your home or waiting outside.
• Tracking your location through devices, shared accounts or hidden trackers.
• Monitoring your social media or contacting your friends, family or employer.
• Using the children to get information about you.
• Leaving notes, gifts or items, or damaging your property.
• Threats against you, your children, your pets or themselves.

If you share children, some contact about them may be legitimate. Stalking is different: it's about monitoring, intimidating or controlling you. If you have a protective order, any contact it forbids is a violation in its own right.

How to document stalking by an ex: what your log should include

A stalking evidence log works best when every entry follows the same format. For each incident, record:

• Date and time, as exact as you can.
• Location.
• What happened, step by step, including exact words.
• How you know it was your ex, such as seeing them, recognizing their car or the content of a message.
• Witnesses, with contact information.
• Evidence saved, such as a screenshot, photo, video or voicemail, and where you stored it.
• Whether you reported it, to whom, and any report number.
• How it affected you, such as changing your route, missing work or not sleeping.

Write entries as soon as you safely can, and don't change old ones; add a dated note if you remember more. Log minor incidents too, because they're often what reveal the pattern. Our free daily log template has columns for the date, time, what happened and evidence. Add columns for location and report numbers, and it works well as a stalking log.

How do you save digital evidence of stalking?

Digital evidence can disappear fast, especially if your ex deletes posts or accounts. Save it as soon as you see it:

1. Texts and messages. Screenshot them with the sender's name or number and the date visible, and export full threads when you can.
2. Voicemails. Save or export them as audio files, and note the date and number.
3. Call logs. Screenshot your recent calls showing repeated or blocked-number calls. Your carrier may also be able to provide records.
4. Social media. Capture posts, comments and messages with the profile name, the web address and the date. If they use fake accounts, write down why you believe it's them.
5. Emails. Keep the originals in your inbox and save copies; don't just forward them.
6. Camera footage. Download doorbell or home camera clips promptly, since many systems delete them after a set period.

For broader tips on capturing and backing up digital evidence, see how to preserve digital evidence before it disappears.

What if your ex is tracking your location?

If your ex seems to know where you are, check the usual routes first: location sharing in your phone settings, maps apps and family-locator apps; shared family or cloud accounts; connected car apps; and your children's devices. Most modern phones can also alert you if an unknown tracking device appears to be traveling with you.

If you find a tracker or suspect monitoring software, don't rush to remove it. Photograph it where you found it, note the date and time, and contact police or an advocate. Removing it can alert your ex, and police may want to collect it as evidence. Our guide to technology safety for survivors explains how to check devices and accounts safely, and NNEDV's Safety Net project at techsafety.org has plain-language guides.

When and how should you report stalking?

Call 911 for anything happening right now or any immediate threat. For the pattern, many people file reports as incidents happen, so there's an official record over time.

• Bring your log and copies of evidence when you report, and ask for a report number and the officer's name.
• Ask whether the incidents could be part of a stalking or harassment pattern, not just separate events.
• Ask an advocate about protective orders. Many states offer domestic violence orders and, in some places, separate stalking orders.
• Tell your workplace, your children's school and your neighbors what's happening, if you feel safe doing so, and share a photo of your ex and their vehicle.

If you share children, the same log can matter in family court. Stalking and harassment can be relevant to custody decisions, exchange arrangements and communication orders, and a judge will want specific, dated incidents rather than a general description. Keep your entries factual and separate from ordinary co-parenting disagreements, so the pattern of unwanted behavior stands out clearly. Laws and procedures vary by state, so it's worth asking a licensed attorney or legal aid office where you live how stalking evidence is usually presented in your local courts, and whether safer exchange arrangements are an option while things are ongoing.

Don't confront your ex, retaliate, post about them publicly, have friends confront them, or try to track them yourself. Those steps can put you in danger and complicate your case. Let advocates, police and the courts handle it. If you're considering an order, our guide to getting a restraining order against an ex walks through the process.

How can you keep your log where your ex can't find it?

A stalking log is only useful if it stays out of your ex's reach. Keep it off shared devices and shared cloud accounts, keep a backup copy with someone you trust, and use an email address your ex doesn't know.

If a private digital option is safe for you, Evidence Helper keeps photos, screenshots and records together, private until you choose to share them with a named person such as an advocate or attorney. It offers two-factor sign-in, a one-click sign-out of every device, and preserves your originals with a SHA-256 fingerprint so you can show they haven't changed. Learn more about how the evidence tool works.

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