Your weekend didn't happen. Maybe your child had a fever, maybe the other parent took a trip, maybe you showed up and nobody was there. Now you're wondering whether you get that time back, how to ask without starting a fight, and what you can do if the answer is no.
This guide explains how make-up parenting time usually works, what to look for in your order, how to ask in writing, what to log, and what courts can generally do when time keeps being missed. It's general information, not legal advice. Custody orders and state laws differ, so your own order and your state's rules come first.
What is make-up parenting time?
Make-up parenting time is time with your child that replaces scheduled time that was missed. You'll also see it called make-up visitation, makeup time or, when a court orders it after time was wrongfully denied, compensatory parenting time.
It can come up for many reasons: a child's illness, a parent's work trip, a family emergency, bad weather, or one parent keeping the child during the other's time. Whether make-up time happens, and how, depends mostly on two things: what your order says, and what the two of you can agree on.
Does my custody order say anything about make-up time?
Read it before you ask. Many disputes come from parents remembering the order differently. Look for:
- A make-up or missed-time clause. Some orders say missed time is made up within a set period, or only for certain reasons. Some say missed time is not made up.
- Illness rules. Whether visits go ahead when a child is sick, and what notice is required.
- Notice requirements. How far ahead a parent must say they can't make a visit, and how.
- Communication rules. Whether requests must go through a particular app, email or text.
- Holiday and vacation priority. Make-up time usually can't take over the other parent's holiday or vacation time.
- Specific vs. "reasonable" time. If your order says "reasonable parenting time," there may be no fixed schedule to measure missed time against.
If your order says nothing about make-up time, it usually becomes a matter of agreement between the parents, unless the court orders otherwise.
Does the reason the time was missed matter?
Often, yes. How parents and courts tend to view missed time depends a lot on why it happened:
| Why the time was missed | What usually happens |
|---|---|
| Child was sick | Many parents agree on make-up dates; some orders address illness directly |
| You couldn't make it | Make-up time is often up to the other parent unless your order provides for it |
| Other parent's travel or plans | A make-up request is reasonable; check whether your order requires notice |
| Other parent kept the child | Ask in writing; if it keeps happening, it may become an enforcement issue |
| Weather or emergency | Usually handled by agreement, as soon as practical |
If the other parent regularly misses their own time, that's a different problem. Our guide on documenting missed visitation covers no-shows and patterns.
How do I ask the other parent for make-up time?
In writing, soon, and specifically. A clear request is easier to say yes to, and it creates a record of what you asked for.
- Use the channel your order requires, such as a co-parenting app, email or text.
- Name the missed time by date and hours, without blame.
- Propose one or two specific replacements, avoiding the other parent's holidays and the child's big commitments.
- Ask for a reply by a reasonable date, so the request doesn't drift.
- Confirm any agreement in writing, with the exact dates and times.
Sample request (fictional)
"Hi. Since Leo was sick, we missed my weekend of October 10 to 12. Could I have him Friday, October 24, from 6:00 p.m. to Sunday at 5:00 p.m. as make-up time? If that doesn't work, Saturday, November 1, from 10:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m. would also be fine. Could you let me know by Wednesday? Thanks."
Sample reply if the answer is no (fictional)
"Understood that the 24th doesn't work. Is there another date in the next month you'd suggest? I'd like Leo to get that time with me if we can find one."
Keep it short, and don't argue about who was at fault. For more wording ideas, see how to ask a co-parent for a schedule change.
What should I log about missed parenting time?
A short, dated record made at the time is far more useful than memory later. For each missed period, note:
- The scheduled time under your order: date, start and end time.
- What happened: the visit didn't happen, started late or ended early, and the reason you were given.
- Messages: the notice you received, your make-up request and the reply. Save the whole thread, not single screenshots.
- The outcome: whether make-up time was agreed, and whether it actually happened.
Keep the log factual and calm. Write "Visit did not take place; message at 4:12 p.m. said Leo had a fever," not opinions about the other parent.
What does that look like in practice?
Example
Daniel's order gives him every other weekend, Friday 6:00 p.m. to Sunday 5:00 p.m. It doesn't mention make-up time. On Thursday, October 9, the other parent texts that Leo, 7, has the flu. Daniel replies, "Thanks for letting me know. Hope he feels better." On Monday, he sends the sample request above.
The other parent offers November 1 instead. Daniel confirms in writing: "Great, Saturday, November 1, 10:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m. Thanks." His log has three rows: the missed weekend and the reason given, the request and the reply, and on November 2, "Make-up day completed." The names and details here are fictional.
Most make-up requests end like this one. The log matters most when they don't.
What if the other parent refuses or the order doesn't cover it?
If time is denied once, a calm written request and a log entry may be all that's needed. If it keeps happening, courts have processes for orders that aren't being followed. Depending on your court, that may include a motion to enforce the order, a contempt proceeding, mediation, or a request to modify the order so it's clearer. In some states, a judge can order compensatory parenting time when court-ordered time was wrongfully denied. The standards differ, for example on whether the denial had to be intentional or repeated.
Our guides to what to do when a parent isn't following the custody order and contempt in custody cases explain the usual options in more depth.
Some areas also have programs that help with parenting time. A federal grant program funds state programs that support noncustodial parents' access to and visitation with their children, through activities such as mediation, parenting plans and visitation enforcement, including monitoring, supervision and neutral drop-off and pickup. Ask your court's self-help center whether one serves your area. For free legal help, LawHelp.org lists legal aid organizations by state, the Legal Services Corporation has a legal aid locator, and a licensed attorney where you live can tell you which option fits.
Should I keep my child longer to make up the time myself?
No, not without the other parent's written agreement or a court order. Keeping the child past the scheduled return, or holding back the other parent's next visit to "even things out," can be treated as a violation of the order. It also tends to shift the court's attention from the time you lost to what you did. Our guide on withholding visitation explains why.
What if safety is the reason a visit didn't happen?
If a visit didn't happen because of a real safety concern, make-up time is a different conversation, and courts generally take safety seriously. Raise the concern with the court or a licensed attorney where you live rather than handling it alone. If you or your child are in danger, call 911. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233 (text START to 88788).
How Custody Commander helps
Make-up time mostly comes down to two things: a calm request and a clear record. Custody Commander is one-sided, so the other parent never has to join. You organize your side of the case, check a make-up request for tone with Comms Guard before you send it, and turn your texts into a numbered, dated PDF log that shows what was asked and what was answered. It works with plain texting, email, or alongside an app your court ordered, and the free tier needs no card. It keeps records; decisions about your case stay with you.
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