How to Record and Document Harassment From an Ex, Safely and Legally

If you’re looking up how to record harassment from an ex, the messages probably haven’t stopped: texts at 2 a.m., voicemails that start calm and end in threats, comments on your posts, “drive-bys” you can’t prove. You know it’s a pattern. The challenge is showing it to someone else, whether that’s a police officer, an advocate or a judge, in a way that’s clear, believable and legal.

This guide shows you how to keep a harassment log, how to save each kind of contact so it holds up, what the law generally says about recording audio, and what you can do with the record once you have it. It’s general information, not legal advice. Laws on harassment and recording differ from state to state, so check yours or ask a local attorney or advocate.

Your safety comes before the evidence

No log is worth getting hurt over. If you’re in danger right now, call 911.

• The National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233, or text START to 88788 (thehotline.org).
• Local domestic violence advocates can help you make a safety plan and explain protective or harassment orders where you live.
• If your phone, computer or accounts might be monitored, read this on a safer device, and keep your log somewhere your ex can’t see it.
• Never confront your ex to “get evidence.” Let the record build from what they send and do on their own.

What counts as harassment from an ex?

Harassment generally means repeated, unwanted contact or conduct that serves no legitimate purpose and causes fear or serious distress. The exact legal definition depends on your state, and some behavior may also count as stalking or a protective-order violation.

Common examples in co-parenting situations include:

• A flood of texts or calls, especially late at night or after you’ve asked for contact to stop
• Threats, including veiled ones like “You’ll regret this”
• Insults and name-calling mixed into messages about the children
• Showing up at your home or job, or following you
• Contact through friends, family, new partners or fake accounts
• Posting about you online, or sharing private information or images

To be fair to both sides, disagreement isn’t harassment. Two parents arguing about a schedule change, or one parent sending an annoyed message, usually isn’t enough. That’s exactly why a careful log matters: it shows frequency, timing and content, which is what separates a pattern from a bad day.

How to record harassment from an ex in a log

Write each incident down the same day, in the same format, using facts rather than conclusions. A consistent log is easier for someone else to follow and easier for you to testify from.

Every entry should cover:

1. Date and time. Write “about” if you’re estimating.
2. Channel. Text, call, voicemail, email, app, social media, in person, or through another person.
3. What happened. Quote exact words in quotation marks when you can. For a flood, note the count and time span.
4. Witnesses. Anyone who saw, heard or was with you.
5. What you saved. Screenshots, voicemail files, photos, call logs.
6. Your response. Ideally none, or a short, neutral reply about the child.
7. Reports made. Police report number, officer’s name, advocate contacted.
8. Effect. Lost sleep, missed work, changed your route. Keep it brief and factual.

Our free co-parenting log template has room for daily communication and incidents, so you can keep harassment entries alongside the rest of your co-parenting record.

How do you save texts, calls, voicemails and posts?

Save each item in its original form whenever you can, and capture enough context that someone else can tell who sent it and when.

• Texts: screenshot so the sender’s name or number and the date and time show, and keep the whole thread, not just the worst line. Exporting the conversation is even better.
• Calls: screenshot your call log. Phone carrier records can back this up later. See what call logs can and can’t prove.
• Voicemails: save or export the audio file and don’t delete the original.
• Emails: keep the original in your account, and save or print it with the full header showing sender and date.
• Social media: capture the post, the profile and the date, and copy the link. Posts can be deleted at any time.
• In person: write it down right away, and note any cameras nearby, like a store’s or a neighbor’s, so footage can be requested before it’s overwritten.

If contact comes from a new number or account, note why you believe it’s your ex, such as the writing style, a nickname, or details only they would know.

Can you audio-record or video-record your ex?

Sometimes, but check your state’s law first. Some states allow a person who is part of a conversation to record it without telling the others; other states require everyone’s consent. Recording a conversation you’re not part of, such as hiding a device in your car or your child’s backpack, can be a crime almost anywhere.

Video doorbells and home cameras raise the same questions when they capture audio. Silent video of your own front step is often treated differently from audio of a conversation, but rules vary. Even a legal recording can backfire if it looks like you were provoking a reaction. Our guide to one-party consent recording in family court explains the details. In many cases, written messages your ex chose to send are the cleaner evidence.

What mistakes make a harassment record less believable?

When you document harassment from an ex, credibility is everything. A few common habits can make an honest record look weaker than it is.

• Answering in kind. If your replies are as angry as their messages, the record shows two people fighting. Short, neutral replies or none at all keep the focus where it belongs.
• Cropping or editing. Keep full threads, unedited. Mark up a copy if you need to, never the original.
• Labels instead of facts. “He’s a narcissist” tells a reader nothing. “He sent 14 texts between 11:42 p.m. and 12:15 a.m.” shows it.
• Gaps and catch-up entries. Logging weeks later from memory invites questions. Short same-day entries beat long reconstructions.
• Posting it online. Sharing screenshots publicly can escalate things and can be used against you in court.

If the harassment includes following you, tracking your location or showing up where you are, it may be stalking. See how to document stalking by an ex for what to add to your log.

What can you do with the record?

A good log gives you options. Depending on what’s happening and where you live, you might:

• Report to police, especially for threats or contact that continues after you’ve asked it to stop. Ask for the report number.
• Ask about a protective or harassment order. Advocates and court self-help centers can explain which orders exist in your state. See getting a restraining order for text messages.
• Share it with your family lawyer, if the harassment affects custody, exchanges or communication terms.
• Tell your employer or your child’s school, if your ex shows up there, and give them a copy of any order.

Keep your harassment record private and in one place

Screenshots on your camera roll, voicemails in your phone app and notes in a notebook are easy to lose, and in a shared home, easy for someone else to find. Keep everything together in one place only you control, with a backup.

Evidence Helper is built for this kind of private documentation. Your records stay private until you choose to share them with a named person, like your attorney or advocate, and there are no public links. Two-factor sign-in and sign-out of every device help if your ex might know an old password, and originals are preserved untouched and fingerprinted with a SHA-256 hash. You can set the date each incident happened and tag it, so the pattern is easy to see. Every account starts with a 14-day free trial of everything, no credit card.

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Harassment is exhausting, and keeping a log can feel like reliving it. Keep entries short, lean on an advocate, and take breaks when you need them.